Reflecting on the past few years, it’s clear that the gods haven’t delivered on our most fervent wishes.
In earlier times, religion tended to be transactional, in effect a straightforward contract. You ask the deity for something, and offered something in return. “You give me victory in the battle, I’ll build a temple in your honor. “ “I’ll sacrifice 10,000 captive warriors on your alter, and you’ll end the drought.“
But let’s face it. Much of prayer today is a one-way street: a plea to grant a request with little offered in return other than boilerplate praise. Ball players cross themselves before going to bat. Chaplains open Congressional sessions asking for wisdom. Politicians beg for specific election results. These requests are sometimes selfish, sometimes made for the greater good, often in between. Everyone asks to be blessed.
But all too often, devout requestors are not getting what they ask for. This is especially true for the year’s biggest losers, whose hopes have been dashed on the rocks of hubris. Which strongly suggests they are worshipping the wrong gods.
The False Gods of the Biggest Losers of 2022
The following list considers the deities these prominent losers likely embraced, and offer alternatives under whom they might have fared better.
Putin, the year’s biggest loser, despite donning the wrappings of an Orthodox saint, seems to have worshipped Eris, the Greek goddess of jealousy and discord who provided the initial impetus for the Trojan War. But victory has proven elusive.
He would have been much better served by worshipping the Roman god Mars, who actually knew something about conducting a war.
Trump placed his trust in the stormy Norse god Thor (not to be confused with Stormy Daniels), as he thundered about American carnage, caravan invasions, witch hunts, and the stolen election. But his hammer no longer carries the force it once did.
He would have been better served by Athena, the Greek goddess who combined a penchant for guile and deception with the wisdom and strength to make her man (Odysseus) always prevail in the end.
McCarthy appears to have chosen Loki, the Norse god known as a liar and trickster as well as a shape-shifter. But in the relentless pursuit of his life-long goal, he has willingly recast himself from proud leader of the pack to a spineless invertebrate.
Eager to sell his soul to become Speaker, he would have been better off just signing the pact directly with Satan, who would have assured his success without the embarassment and ultimately pyrrhic victory.
Bolsonaro probably worshiped Apep, the Egyptian god of destruction, as he gleefully burnt down the Amazon forest, contributing to global climate change, and destroyed as many of the guardrails of democracy as he could. But he just couldn’t destroy enough to maintain power, even after fleeing to Florida.
He would still be president today if he had tried the opposite approach, worshipping Hephaestus, the Greek god renowned for building, rather than one adept at tearing things down.
Xi may not yet be a loser, but his place on the wheel of fortune has started to descend. He seems to have taken his cue from the Titan Cronus, who swallowed his own children (the future gods) to protect his supremacy. Father Xi has already consumed Hong Kong and is in the process of devouring millions of his countrymen by mishandling the pandemic, all to assure his continued reign.
He would have been far better served by worshiping Guan Yin, the Chinese goddess of compassion and mercy. By demonstrating a real concern for his people, he would still have solidified his position before the Party Congress and avoided the loss of face and stature resulting from the public revolt and chaos following his abrupt abandonment of his O-COVID policy.
The MAGA Crowd has come to consider Trump a god as revealed by his Prophet Q. But this god has clearly failed to deliver on most of his promises—the wall, forever winning, re-election, the Storm, and the wave of victories of election deniers. Sad.
The Crowd should probably lower its sights and devote themselves to lesser divines such as the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny who can at least be relied on to deliver what they are supposed to.
Well done, but sadly the people of Ukraine are the biggest losers.
Yes, in many ways the people of Ukraine are the biggest losers in terms of what they have lost (lives, suffering, economy, etc.). But they are not what we would term “losers” in the pejorative sense. They have retained their dignity, national pride, and sense of justice. Clearly, they are also stuck with a deity that has not abandoned them to their fate.
Fred – I am humbled by your blog because I admit to being totally ignorant about the ancient gods you have introduced us to. In reading your comments it occurs to me that what you have said is also applicable to the modern gods that these people worship – the god of power and the god of money. Interestingly they are all men and, in the spirit of total disclosure, so am I. We know that our Achilles heel can be our egos and I sense that all these losers are failing to manage theirs.
Great clever connections, Fred! Loved it. Especially the ones involving Stormy Thor Daniels, Loki, and that Titan of fillicide, Cronus (OMG, who knew?!) — but spot on analogy.