Believing I couldn’t write anything about the election and its aftermath that hasn’t already been said, I leave the prose to the pros. Instead, I revert to verse.
A Greek Chorus
The guardrails are down, Send in the clown, He’ll pick up his crown. And soon own the town. The guardrails are down.
It’s no use to pout Or mutter or shout, He’ll just tune you out. Of that there’s no doubt. It’s no use to pout.
Some saw from afar With door left ajar His path to be czar Faced no further bar. They followed his star. That’s just who we are.
The Lament of a Weary Mariner
“Can we sail home?” rimed Mariner who strolled along the deck, “I’d love to ditch this albatross that hangs upon my neck.” “Not yet,” his captain cautioned him, “His course is not yet run. “In fact, a further chapter of his tale has just begun.” “But albatross is old,” said M., then further dared to ask, “How long can he continue still his retributive task? “If he jumped ship before his time, could I my burden shed?" “Alas, my friend, another fowl is poised to take his stead.”
High-Coup
He came, he saw, then Inflamed the nation’s worst fears. We’ll all pay the price.
Limerick
There once was a felon abhorrent Who spouted vile things in a torrent. He snookered a mob To give him the job To do as he pleased without warrant.
If our leaders seem to act all too often like cartoon characters, we should not be surprised. Perceptions of how to handle conflict are usually shaped during childhood, and for boys, especially, the models doing the shaping tend to be heroic action figures found in comics, TV shows, movies, and video games.
Odysseus Slays the Suitors
While some of these heroes possess superhuman powers (Superman, etc.), many are just particularly gifted men (not unlike Homer’s heroes), who happen to be especially strong, tough, the best archer (Robin Hood), the best swordsman (Zorro), the fasted draw or the sharpest shooter (Roy Rogers et al.), or have some gimmick that always brings them out on top, like Popeye’s spinach or Bat Masterson’s cane.
The lesson gleaned from all these tales is not that might makes right, but the opposite: right always has superior might, along with the corollary, the contest is ultimately based on force. So, no wonder our would-be adult leaders have stubbornly clung to the notion that since conflicts get resolved through force, and we have the world’s mightiest arsenal, we should always prevail. And by inverse logic, this means we must be right!
Needless to say, we have not always prevailed, and perhaps more to the point, there are often far more productive ways of resolving conflict.
But if we want to stretch the options considered by future generations of potential leaders, we need to capture their imaginations while they’re still at an impressionable age. And so, I offer a new flock of action figures whose behavior communicates softer, less bellicose, lessons, for our future leaders yet in childhood.
The Antithesis
Character: Cogan the Grammarian Plot/Device: Teaches ruffians the difference between “who” and “whom,” and when to use the subjunctive Key Lesson: The power of words
Character: Supermanners! Plot/Device: Disarms thugs by unexpected acts of courtesy Key Lesson: A little politeness can defuse many nasty situations
Character: Bathman EnRobed Plot/Device: Hero drives around town in bathmobile, then leaps out of tub to save the day only covered by a towel Key Lesson: Cleanliness is next to godliness
Character: Mobil Mouse Plot/Device: Intrepid rodent writes a best-selling self-help book whenever people move his cheese Key Lesson: Size doesn’t matter
Character: Nancy the Druid Plot/Device: Spunky young witch helps teenage girls solve the mysteries of puberty through magic Key Lesson: When searching, leave no stone unhenged
Character: Helpalong Cassidy Plot/Device: Gregarious cowboy inhabits traffic island, helping little old ladies cross the street safely Key Lesson: Always trust the kindness of strangers
Character: Sir Lunchalot Plot/Device: Knight works day job in soup kitchen, dishing out nutritious meals and courtly advice to damsels in financial distress Key Lesson: Square meals can often be found on round tables
